This week has been a test for anyone who values kindness, compassion, and equanimity. Because we care so much, we can easily get caught in fear, hatred, and despair when we consider the welfare of our loved ones and society is threatened. This is when our spiritual practice is needed most.
How can we use our practice to develop a balance of mind in unpredictable circumstances? How can we ensure that love is the source of our engagement, and how can we deepen our compassion for those who are motivated by hate without getting caught in “othering”?
It’s difficult to imagine what lies ahead in the coming weeks, months, and years. I’m grateful for having learned tools to work with this uncertainty. In my own practice, I try to let go of figuring out what’s going to happen and stay in the present. But I also know that it’s important to let myself feel uncertainty and imagine the uncertainty that so many—especially those with less privilege—are feeling in this moment.
Pema Chödrön writes:
Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.
Allowing and making space for all feelings can lead to compassion for ourselves and others. The challenge is to honor our “window of tolerance,” sensing our limit of what we can feel without going into overwhelm, and titrating our suffering a little at a time.
This is a meditation called “Welcoming It All” that I recently learned from Judi Cohen, a wise friend and teacher:
Welcome to this moment.
Welcome to whatever thoughts and emotions are arising in this moment, in yourself and that you can notice in others.
Welcome to concern.
Welcome to curiosity.
Welcome to anxiety.
Welcome to fear.
Welcome to thoughts of victory.
Welcome to thoughts of catastrophe.
Welcome to all thoughts and emotions.
Welcome to whatever is happening in this moment to evoke those thoughts and emotions for you and for others. It’s the truth of what’s happening.
What emotions arise for you about the US election and the different possibilities? Can you let yourself feel them while staying somewhat balanced? I find it helpful to ask, “What do I need right now to regulate myself?” A break from the news? A walk in nature? Reaching out to a friend? Can you give that to yourself?
Whatever you might be going through, I recommend holding it with as much mindful self-compassion as needed. Here is my version of the “mindful self-compassion break,” developed by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. You might try this, or your own variations of these phrases, whenever you’re in need of calming down.
- Place your hand on your heart or some other soothing touch. (This is a physiologically soothing action which releases oxytocin, a powerful comforting hormone.)
Say to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering,” or some variation that resonates with you, like “This is really hard.”
Then: “Suffering is a part of life.” (You might find it helpful to reflect on all the people in the world who are going through what you are right now.)
Then: “May I hold my suffering with kindness and compassion.”
Just as you would hold a child that is having a meltdown, let the wisest part of you hold the anxious part that needs comforting.
Here is a fundamental Dharma practice for bringing balance: As much as possible, try not to project into the future. Fear is always about the future. That’s why staying in the present is a refuge. By staying in the present, you can respond wisely to the reality that is here right now. You are less likely to be lost in the fearful stories your mind is creating about the future. And when that future comes, you will be more likely to deal with that moment instead of fearing the future that lies ahead.
When you stay in the present everything is more workable. And you are aligned with another liberating truth: Everything changes. Life will still go on unfolding as it will. And you will be able to meet it with a balance and centeredness that will help you respond wisely, supported by your practice of kindness, compassion, and integrity.
So, we first practice keeping our hearts open in these times by finding balance within ourselves. We can then apply that balance to wisely respond—without hatred or othering—to those who live in different realities than we do.
Keep my anger from becoming meanness.
Keep my sorrow from collapsing into self-pity.
Keep my heart soft enough to keep breaking.
Keep my anger turned towards justice, not cruelty.
Remind me that all of this, every bit of it, is for love.
Keep me fiercely kind.
—Laura Jean Truman
How Can We Wisely Respond without Hatred or Othering?
The Buddha spoke of contemplating both internally and externally. It’s one thing to attend to the distress within ourselves. At this time, we are also asked to be with stress activated by others. Even if you’re able to regulate yourself, a greater challenge may be how to relate to the “other side” without descending into hatred, making "them" a target of our ill will? Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. taught: “You have no moral authority over those who can feel your underlying contempt.” How can we keep our hearts open to those who cause harm or have little regard for the welfare of others? Can we stay connected to the foundational principle for inner peace: “Do no harm.”
In Buddhist philosophy, the word ignorance (avijjā in Pali) is used in a very specific way, different from the usual connotation of stupidity. Ignorance here simply means not seeing things clearly. If a person could understand where real happiness lies, they wouldn’t cause harm to themselves or another. When someone is acting with malice or insensitivity, ignorance means that their mind is clouded by confusion or fear in some way. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find enough sorrow and suffering to disarm all hostility."
I find it helpful to realize that we all have the capacity for love and hatred inside us. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn put it this way:
“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”
The human mind can be shaped in any way. Hermann Goering, one of the chief architects of Nazi Germany, wrote:
”The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."
This is true whether it is a German mind or an American mind. It’s the human mind. Fear is the key. Othering the message. Making matters worse, when the message is coming from a silo of disinformation, it’s easy to see how that reality can shape one’s view of “the other.”
Now that the election is over, we still need to figure out how to get along with each other. There will still be a divided country in need of major healing. We will still need to learn to hear each other and realize, as Dr. King said, "We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." And in that mutuality, we are called on to do our best to understand the reality of those who see things differently from us.
These coming weeks and months will be a crucial test of our spiritual practice. I’m part of a teacher group called Mind Our Democracy to support our greater community in acting with courage, determination, and love. On November 23 we will be hosting a free online event for people to process how they’re feeling in the aftermath of the election. You can register here.
I believe our practice is calling us to remember the good in all of us so we can help bring it out in each other and to our country. The great historian Howard Zinn expressed it this way:
An optimist isn’t necessarily a blithe, slightly sappy whistler in the dark of our time. To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
May you have balance and keep your heart open in the coming days.
James will be teaching a four-week online course on keeping the heart open.
